At his circle jerk of a press conference Tiger Woods was like a Cliche generating machine from the future. The whole fucking thing was rehearsed, robotic, and dumb. Here is how the press conference should have gone. Read the rest of this entry »

It was a boring Friday nothing to do. As someone that needs a little excitement, I made plans with a friend to see a movie at the local cinema.  Due to unfortunate circumstances we got stuck seeing Extraordinary Measures, we knew little of the movie, only the fact that Harrison Ford played a main character, confident of our second choice we made our way to theater three and took our seats at the top row. The lights darkened, the screen lit up as the first preview rolled on to the screen. I was curious as to why all the previews were Rom-Coms but paying no mind to it, I waited for the movie to start and as soon as it did I saw Brendan Fraser’s big watery eyes I made the connection, this movie is for the bitches.  I watched hoping my cock wouldn’t turn into a vagina. Read the rest of this entry »

E-cigarettes are the latest attempt to get people to stop smoking. They vaporize nicotine juice to inhale instead of setting that shit on fire. They are supposed to give you all the benefits of smoking without any of the cancers. Sounds like a bon a fide miracle to any long time smoker. So does this shit work? Read the rest of this entry »

There was a food that was so delicious that many religions forbid it. Eating it felt like watching two women covered in Nutella make out. To taste it was like touching Jesus’ balls. Read the rest of this entry »

So you have reached the point in your life where all day solitary 211 drinking sounds like fun. You are probably a fuckin moron but if you follow this handy guide you can achieve true greatness. Read the rest of this entry »

People I Hate: Miley Cyrus

February 3, 2010

To start what the fuck kind of name is Miley? The mullet juice must have seeped into Billy Ray’s brain and caused untold damage.

Miley Cyrus is like Herpes you can’t escape her. Her shitty music pops up when you have no defense and infests itself in your head like a brain parasite sucking the life right out of you. Read the rest of this entry »

French Fries

February 1, 2010

What the fuck happened to French Fries? It used to be you go to a restaurant and the one sure thing on the menu was fries. They were little deep fried slices of heaven covered in salt and loaded with Trans fats like Fat Oprah. Now they serve you some fucking deep fried cardboard, slather on ketchup and call it a day. Read the rest of this entry »

If you have walked through a mall the past couple of years you have seen them. Boys in fucking ridiculously tight girl pants. I don’t care if you are the most tolerant person on the planet, you have to think any dude in pants that tight is a gay. Even the cowboy from the Village People thinks those pants are fucking gay. Read the rest of this entry »

Legalizing Pot

January 30, 2010

If there is one thing that potheads talk about more than how they have the munchies its how pot should be legal. They have whined and complained so fucking much that some states are seriously considering legalizing it. Type in marijuana legalization in Google and you’ll get nearly a million results. It seems as though we are a couple of commie Senators away from full legalization. Read the rest of this entry »

You know what I fucking hate? Bitches with perfect tits that refuse to show them. Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Christina mutha fuckin Hendricks, they all have perfect god given boobies and no matter how much they tease they refuse to show them off. Read the rest of this entry »

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